Couples Counseling With Brightheart
by fast in my car
Summary: Brightheart. Peppy, sweet, empathetic...the perfect counselor! After a chaotic series of incidents, she decides to help fighting couples and entertain the masses at the same time with her TV show, "Couples Counseling With Brightheart". Rated T, just in case.
1. Coffee, Cheating and a Klepto

Chapter One – Coffee, Cheating and a Klepto

Cherrytail sipped her latte and waited for Squirrelflight to arrive.

"You cheater! Leave!" A hiss came from outside the coffee shop. Cherrytail got up and peeked around the door, to see Brambleclaw getting into his car and driving away. Squirrelflight burst into tears when she saw Cherrytail.

"What's wrong?" Cherrytail asked as they went inside. Squirrelflight sobbed, "Brambleclaw's dating Nightcloud! He's a lousy, no-good cheater." Cherrytail stared at her, confused.

"But...you told me last week you had a crush on Berrynose." Squirrelflight shook her head. "No, he's _way _too young for me. Guess what? I got a message from Sharpclaw on the online dating site yesterday!" Cherrytail stared at her friend in disbelief.

"Sharpclaw dates she-cats online? Oh my StarClan, you don't _like _him, do you?" She yowled. Squirrelflight sniffed, "And what if I do? I was snooping on your laptop a few months ago, and wow, those are some steamy emails you sent to Rainfur!" Petalnose, at a nearby table, fainted – but everyone in the coffee shop ignored her. Petalnose was just like that. Anyway, Cherrytail screeched and hurled herself at Squirrelflight.

"Rat! How could you read my email?" Then Crowfeather, who was working at the counter, jumped between them and started shaking Squirrelflight.

"That _idiot _Brambleclaw! How could Nightcloud date him? He's way too young for her!" The two she-cats clawed Crowfeather and stalked angrily away from each other, not bothering to grab their purses.

"Ooh, pursies!" Heathertail's paw shot out and grabbed the bags from where she stood. Her date, Lionblaze, grinned nervously.

"Heathertail, maybe we should leave the purses where they are..." He meowed. But Heathertail didn't listen. In a moment, she was putting on Cherrytail's makeup and Squirrelflight's claw polish.

"Ugh, you crazy klepto! Why did I agree to go out with you and cheat on Cinderheart?" Lionblaze yelled as he walked away.

"Because Cinderheart sent me a picture of her and Jayfeather kissing!" Heathertail replied. Lionblaze immediately began texting furious messages to Jayfeather while Heathertail rummaged through stuff. Meanwhile, Millie and Graystripe were just about to enter the coffee shop when Silverstream happened to walk by.

"Hey Graystripe, see you tonight!" She meowed as she waggled her claws at him. Graystripe quickly put a paw over her mouth, but it was too late. Millie's eyes filled up with tears.

"My Graystripe...you don't love me anymore?" She ran off. Graystripe tried to go after her, but Silverstream was clawing him hard.

"You told me you broke up with her! Jerk!" Graystripe jumped onto the roof, trying to escape her. And while all this drama was going on, Brightheart was watching.

_Ugh, couples...they are all in need of some _serious _help... _That was when she got the idea. Picking up her meowPhone, she called Cloudtail.

"Hey, I'm at the coffee shop. I just got the best idea ever..." Brightheart started explaining. Cloudtail listened excitedly.

"A counseling reality show? Yeah, I'll totally help you! See you tomorrow, then. Love you."


	2. Facebook, Mice and Minty Fresh

Chapter Two – Facebook, Mice and Minty Fresh

Brightheart was currently posting on Facebook that she needed staff for her counseling show. **Have you noticed how couples today always seem to be fighting? **The post said first, along with a picture of Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight that Brightheart had taken yesterday with her phone. **This is obviously not a happy situation. It can even affect the people around them! **A picture of Sorreltail, who worked at the coffe shop, looking alarmed. (She had been looking at Heathertail stealing things when the photo was taken, actually, but Brightheart was using it anyway.

**And romantic issues create friendship issues. **A very violent picture of Squirrelflight and Cherrytail attacking each other. **Well, my new TV show will help fighting couples and entertain the masses at the same time! Do you**__**want to be a part of **_**Couples Counseling with Brightheart**_**? Apply for a job in the studio at 999-Bright today.**

Brightheart was satisfied, even more so when several cats called to apply. She told them all to come to her studio at 3:00 pm the next day.

"Cloudtail, you coming?" Brightheart called.

"Yep," he answered. They got into their car and drove to the studio, which was a long white building with no windows. Inside, black seats for the audience took up about half of the space. The other half was mostly the stage area.

"Oh, my gosh! I'm going to look just like a _real _couples counselor!" Brightheart squealed. Three velvet green armchairs sat onstage, with a small table in the middle. The two cats hugged each other happily.

The studio was perfect, except...

"Man, it's dusty in here." Brightheart remarked. Cloudtail began sweeping. Brightheart ran backstage and came back with a huge wooden sign.

"Firrat's Tibia?" Cloudtail read aloud confusedly. Brightheart giggled.

"No, silly! It says, 'Firestar's Trivia'. At least, I think. I guess Firestar had a game show here once?" Brightheart shrugged and tossed the sign into the trash can.

"Whatevs. This is my show now." She muttered. Cloudtail was still sweeping, as the many layers of dust kept going. They had thought that the floor was gray carpet, but it appeared that had been the dust. The floor was _actually _white tiling.

"Oh, gross!" Brightheart exclaimed as she jumped onto a chair. "A mouse." Cloudtail rolled his eyes.

"Babe, you're a cat. You're supposed to _eat _mice, not be afraid of them!" But Brightheart didn't really care.

"Just get the mouse out of here!" She yowled. So Cloudtail picked up the mouse and ate it.

"Oh my StarClan, I'm going to be sick!" Brightheart ran backstage with her paw over her mouth and threw up all over the curtains. She then weakly went back to the stage.

"Um...why don't we go home now?" Cloudtail suggested. Brightheart nodded and stumbled to the car.

…

The next day..."I'm late!" Brightheart gasped. It was already 2:59. So she threw on a white minidress with orange high heels and drove to the studio to interview the applicants.

"Hey, hey, all you applicants!" She squealed as she entered the studio. There were five cats waiting for her: Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Silverstream, Heathertail and Mapleshade.

"Jayfeather, you first. The rest of you, go behind that curtain," Brightheart ordered as she sat down in one of the velvet chairs. The cats obeyed.

"What in StarClan am I supposed to do now?" Jayfeather growled, tapping his stick against the stage in annoyance.

"Well...the job openings are camera cat, lighting cat, and security guard. Oh, and one of you needs to announce who our sponsors are, at the beginning of the show." Brightheart said, taking a drink of her espresso. Jayfeather nodded.

"The only job that doesn't sound comepletely stupid is security guard, so I guess I can do that." Demonstrating, he lunged at the table and stabbed it with his stick.

Brightheart giggled nervously.

"I guess you've got the job, then. Be here at 9 am sharp." Jayfeather padded backstage, accidentally squishing several mice under his stick. Brightheart rolled her eyes, then called out, "Next!" Heathertail ran out, only to grab the camera and hide it under her tank top.

"Well, I would like to..." Heathertail's meow was cut off as Brightheart hissed.

"I know you stole my camera, Heathertail. Get out of here!" Heathertail dropped the camera and ran like the wind for the exit, whimpering.

"Next!" At Brightheart's call, Lionblaze swaggered onstage. He brushed back his shimmering fur with one paw, simpering at Brightheart. She narrowed her eyes. "Lionblaze, are you seriously flirting with me? I'm old enough to be your mother!" She grabbed a rock from her purse and tossed it at Lionblaze. He ducked, and they continued as if nothing had happened.

"I think I would be great at being in charge of lighting! I mean, I can spotlight all the pretty she-cats who come onto the show...and then, ask for their phone numbers..." Brightheart sighed and threw another rock at him. This time it hit him, squarely in the head. He collapsed onto the stage.

Brightheart yelled, "Next! And someone come get Lionblaze out of here, please," and a second later Silverstream sashayed onto the stage, almost stepping on Lionblaze as he was dragged away by Jayfeather. Silverstream's high heels were ten-inch, and her dress was made completely out of sequins.

"I would so love to be the camera cat," she gushed. "I can flutter my eyelashes at all the cute toms who come onto the show...from behind the camera, of course, so their girlfriends don't notice." At this, Brightheart began to cry so hard that her espresso spilled.

"I can't deal with this," she sobbed. "Such...incompetent...applicants!" Silverstream then tripped and fell off of her ten-inch heels. Her dress was caught on a hook and slipped off of her, causing Lionblaze, backstage, to howl with laughter. Jayfeather hurried back out and unhooked Silverstream's dress with his stick, at which point Brightheart had stopped crying.

"So, did I get the job?" Silverstream asked, apparently unruffled by her fall. Brightheart threw the empty espresso cup at her, causing Jayfeather to hustle Silverstream backstage.

"Next! And if the next person comes out in ten-inch heels, they _will _die!"

"Don't worry. I don't wear shoes – it's easier to sneak up on cats that way," Mapleshade meowed as she came onstage with one paw hidden behind her back.

"No, not you! Get out!" Brightheart shrieked. Mapleshade grinned.

"What's wrong? I just want to be ad cat for your sweet little show. I certainly don't have any plans to murder anyone, like you or Cloudtail or Jayfeather..." Brightheart blinked at this, reluctant to believe the psychotic she-cat on the stage. Mapleshade continued, "Look, I'm really good at salescatship. Choose a random product."

"Ivypool's Minty Fresh Deodorant." Mapleshade immediately plastered on a fake, slightly creepy grin.

"Hey, all you cats out there! I'm Mapleshade, and I used to have trouble finding a date on Friday night. But now that I use Ivypool's Minty Fresh, the toms won't leave me alone! The fact that I need mental help is soooo insignificant compared to this minty scent!" Mapleshade meowed, still grinning. Brightheart squinted at her.

"Do you really use Minty Fresh?" She said, frowning. Mapleshade laughed and tossed er head.

"Of course not. I don't _use _deodorant." Brightheart gagged.

"Why not?"

"Don't have the money. I spend all my extra funds on knives." This was not reassuring to Brightheart. But Mapleshade had done an amazing job trying to sell Minty Fresh.

"You've got the job," Brightheart announced. Mapleshade raised her paws in the air, cackling.

"Yes!" She yowled gleefully. Then she whipped her paws back behind her back before Brightheart could try to figure out what that glint of metal had been.

"Next," Brightheart called out yet again as Mapleshade returned backstage. Then she blushed, realizing that Mapleshade had been the last applicant. Brightheart began to scream, knowing that she had to hire Lionblaze and Silverstream.

"Lionblaze and Silverstream, you two got jobs! Be here tomorrow at 9 am _sharp, _and Silverstream? _No _sequins." Brightheart got up and walked to the exit, but as she tried to open the door Jayfeather padded up to her.

"Brightheart, you do know that you'll have to be nicer than that to the couples," he meowed. Brightheart nodded, stepped on Jayfeather's paw, and left.


End file.
